Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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