And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
