chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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