I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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