Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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