I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
