i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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