He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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