you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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