it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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