I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
false alarm. still invincible.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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