Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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