I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
