I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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