I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize