she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
should my penis look like a turkey
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
