I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
