I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
