I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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