I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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