Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
