I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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