Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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