it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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