he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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