Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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