I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize