you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
