Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
