so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
