You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
