I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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