So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
