Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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