Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
