yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize