Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I hate that ur telling me this.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life

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(407): View more from Florida

I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.

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