ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
