why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize