my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
