you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
