so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
