so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
