By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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