I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
