so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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