Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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