I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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