I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
