YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
