Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think my vagina is haunted
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
