All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
