he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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