So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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