i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
