STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
