Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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