I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
