Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
