That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize