Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
time to smoke my breakfast
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
