Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize