Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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