Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
