Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
