Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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