I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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