I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
