You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's rum buckets o'clock
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
