can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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