The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
