why didn't you poke me back
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
