I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
