considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
