Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
