and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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