The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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