I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
