i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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