we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
