She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
