i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
