i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
