i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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