I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
