I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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