I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
