Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
