I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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