I can text with my tongue
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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