Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
