Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's rum buckets o'clock
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
