Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There r osticjed everywhere
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
