Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
