I want to stick my p in your. b.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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