I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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