My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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